My blog is about to take a personal turn, I'm suffering this morning. In April I spoke about my Mother's inclination towards alcohol and how I need to come to terms with it or confront it, otherwise life for me can become very stressful if I let her affect me. Well, two weeks ago it hit me again like the ugly beast that it is so I phoned my local Al-Anon office, almost desperate and searching for support. I'm looking to break the confusion, anxiety, worry, frustration, angriness and sheer exhaustion that comes with every conversation with my Mum.
Luckily for me, the voice of a very calm lady named Margaret offered me hope and comfort. So now it's up to me to make the next Thursday meeting a priority. Being my first visit to one of these meetings it maybe a little on the emotional side so I should prepare myself by taking a box of Kleenex. No problem whatsoever, I'm all for opening up with a flood of tears. I need to release the toxins of her life that flow onto mine and ultimately my family. The big fella is sick and tired of her "dramas" that come with every phone call and soon enough Miss A will be old enough to understand and feel the tension - that is, unless she already does. I want to stop running!
I have decided that my Mother really doesn't "get" me, in fact yesterday I told Dad I don't even think she likes me. Which is fine, I really don't care and I mean that. If she was a nice person and I really wanted to see her and have a relationship then it would matter. I'm glad Miss A isn't of the age that she knows what I mean if I tell her that "M (what she calls her) is coming to see you" because she was talking about coming here today for a visit but rang this morning to can it. As I said I really don't care and don't want to hear the excuse. Fine, you don't want to come. Easy...now shut up!
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